Manuale ISA 2023 (EN) – Differenzadonna.org

2023 ISA Manual

The 2023 ISA
Questionnaire

The ISA manual and the ISA questionnaire to self-assess gender-based violence relapse risk have been introduced in Italy by Differenza Donna through a Daphne project in 2008.

Owing to the European Project FuTuRE (Fostering Tools of Resilience and Emersion of GBV with intersectional perspective), in 2023 Differenza Donna updated the ISA manual and questionnaire, in order to include the most recent developments of male violence against women in intimate relationships, as well as taking into account the multiple forms of violence and discrimination women can be exposed to. The ISA manual and questionnaire are currently available in 15 languages, in Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC), and can be accessed both in paper and digital form.

Gender-based violence against women has been recognised by the Council of Europe Convention on Preventing and Combating Violence Against Women and Domestic Violence (hereinafter referred to as “Istanbul Convention”) as a human rights violation and « a manifestation of historically unequal power relations between women and men, which have led to domination over, and discrimination against, women by men and to the prevention of the full advancement of women».
Gender-based violence can affect women of any country, culture, religion, social background, and level of education. The phenomenon is widespread, although its true magnitude is unknown.
The most common form of gender-based violence against women is commonly referred to as domestic violence, namely all acts of physical, sexual, psychological or economic violence that occur within the family or domestic unit or between former or current spouses or partners, whether or not the perpetrator shares or has shared the same residence with the victim (Art.3 Istanbul Convention).
The violence women can be subjected to in intimate relationships, perpetrated by current or former partners, is a pervasive form of violence that destroys feelings of love, trust and self-esteem, with a significant negative impact on women's physical and mental health.
It may be difficult for women to recognise violence straight away, especially when it takes the most subtle forms, and many violent behaviours may be minimised, normalised and justified, due to violence often meeting social acceptance. Recognising violence is crucial in order to identify and name it, to spot the factors defining violent behaviour and prevent it from escalating.
It may be particularly hard to unveil violence when it occurs together with the feeling of falling in love, the sense of security attached to a relationship or when subjected to social, cultural, religious or family pressure.
Becoming aware, asking for help and support, is vital. But how?

This brief guide and the ISA self-administered questionnaire may be useful.

The “ISA” acronym stands for Increasing Self Awareness, that is, increasing your awareness of what is going on.

ISA may support you in understanding:

- what has been happening in your current or former relationship, regarding which you do not feel free to make a choice;
- to what extent you run the risk that your current or former partner will continue being violent toward you, and whether you should ask for help or continue benefiting from the support services you already mobilised.

Forms of gender-based violence against women in intimate relationships

Gender-based violence against women in intimate relationships, also known as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), is often perpetrated gradually and systematically, taking different, recurring forms with increasing intensity and severity. Those cited below are the most common forms of violence, described using the words of other women who have suffered them¹.

Psychological violence

“When there are news about femicides, he whispers that I will end the same way and that women deserve to be killed”; “You always have to dress in the way I want you to, you look better”; “Your laughter is insufferable”; “If you want to be with me, you mustn't speak to anybody else”; “I wonder where you’d have ended up without me”; “He breaks objects with violence, threatening he will do the same with me”.

Psychological violence includes those behaviours that harm your identity, self-esteem and wellbeing, especially when persistent: insulting, denigrating, teasing and mocking with the aim to humiliate you, threats and especially the threat to behave violently, controlling your social circle and attempts to isolate you.

Physical violence

“He pushed me, he threw objects at me”, “He keeps shoving me, pulling my hair, he slapped me, kicked me and punched me”; “He tried to choke me”; “He tried to smother me with a cushion”.

Physical violence involves those aggressions which include the use of force, such as pushing, pulling hair, slapping, grabbing, punching, kicking, striking with objects, choking, burning, wounding with the use of a weapon. Physical violence also includes other acts which lead to physical harm, such as forcing or inducing the consumption of alcohol or drugs, as well as tampering with your medication or medical treatment.

Sexual violence

“He forced me to have sex in a way I didn’t want, humiliating me”; “I knew he would get angry if I refused to have sex with him”; “When I tried to say no, he accused me of being with someone else”; “He says I’m his wife and that it is my duty to do whatever he wants in the bedroom”.

Sexual violence involves any sexual act which is imposed and occurs against your will, regardless of you having explicitly said “no” or you having refrained from saying so for fear of the potential consequences. Sexual violence includes being forced to perform any kind of unwanted sexual act, having to endure humiliating and/or painful sexual behaviour, being coerced to watch or produce pornography.

Economic violence

“I don’t have access to the bank account”; “He controls every purchase I make”; “I do not know our financial situation”; “He has asked me to sign contracts to act as a guarantor for a loan under his name”; “I have to provide alone for all household expenditures, in which he does not partake”.

Economic violence involves those behaviours that tend to result in economic dependence or unwanted financial commitments: controlling your salary, if you are employed, or controlling the household income, preventing you from making any decision on the matter; forcing you to leave a job or to find one; coercing you to sign documents or undertake economic initiatives, fraudulent at times, against your will.

Stalking and Persecutory Acts

“He follows me, he controls me, he constantly questions my fidelity, he keeps calling me to know what I’m doing, where I am and with whom”; “He always knows where I am, he controls my contacts and interactions on social media”.

Control and persecution can present themselves in different forms: constant telephone calls or messages, not replying to which will spark anger, or tracking your movements. The latter may occur directly (i.e., you noticed the perpetrator following you, or appearing in the location he expected you to be), through other people (i.e., family members, neighbours, acquaintances) or through digital devices (such as location tracking Apps or video surveillance systems).

Violence enabled by digital technology

“Every time I leave the house he wants to stay in touch via video call, saying he never wants to leave me alone”; “He writes messages to all the people interacting with my social media posts, threatening them to stay away from me”; “He has sent emails to my employer disparaging me”; “I suspect he’s installed a GPS system on my car, because he always knows the places where I’ve been to”; “He threatened to post an intimate picture of me on social media”; “I started receiving phone calls from other men asking me to have sex: I found out that he had sent my picture and phone number on Whatsapp groups”.

Digital devices and social media can be used to amplify several forms of violence, such as control, threats, isolation, denigration, which become increasingly pervasive.

Other forms of violence and discrimination against women

Women suffering gender-based violence in intimate relationships may have experienced additional forms of violence and discrimination before, during or after the relationship, perpetrated by the same man or by other people. Some of these include: sexual harassment and violence, forced marriage, persecution or discrimination based on culture, religion, nationality, skin colour, gender identity, sexual orientation, physical appearance, disability.
These experiences may make it hard to see a way out or take action, for instance when fearful of others’ reaction: “My family would deem it dishonourable for me to leave him”, “He’s more powerful than I am, nobody would believe me”, “I depend on him for everything I do, I wouldn’t know what to do or who to ask for help”.

Other forms of violence and discrimination you may have suffered in the past can also be used by a violent man to blame or threaten you in the present:

“He keeps reminding me that he was the one to save me from the situation I was in before and to bring me where I am now, I can’t abandon him”; “I chose to marry him against my family’s will, I can’t back out of it”; “He threatens to report me to the police or reveal details of my past to my family members which would drive them away from me..”

¹ It is worth noting that the descriptions reported pertain to the female survivors’ experience and the social dimension of violence, while not necessarily corresponding to specific types of offence in the judicial system.

Dynamics of gender-based violence against women in intimate relationships

Generally speaking, the succession of different forms of violence (physical, sexual, psychological, economic) in Intimate Partner Violence takes a recurring pattern, with increasing intensity, frequency and severity. Regardless of the form it takes, the ultimate aim of violence is the same: to dominate and control women, who are considered as mere objects, devoid of any freedom of choice.

The spiral of domestic violence

The cycle defining the various stages of domestic violence is called “the spiral of violence”. The stages of the spiral may manifest with increasing intensity and then blend into each other, causing you to underestimate the danger, for instance when a physical aggression hasn’t occurred yet, or making you believe that the situation is “under control”, given the alternation between stages of greater tension and moments of apparent reconciliation and calm.

Let us see the stages of the violence spiral in detail.

Violence isn’t always perpetrated overtly and directly: the spiral tends to begin with more subtle and/or less recognisable forms of violence, such as emotional and psychological violence.

Intimidation :

“He loves me very much, he says I’m his oxygen, that I belong to him, he makes me feel important, he cares about me, he is jealous of everything and everybody”; “He tells me that if I don’t do as he says, it must be because I don’t love him enough, he threatens to leave me”

Intimidating behaviours are aimed at making you live in a state of constant fear and threat of being left. Intimidations take the form of control and coercion, implicit or explicit threats, damaging property and financial control (such as demanding you to deposit your salary on his bank account or preventing you from freely using your own financial assets).

Isolation:

“He doesn’t want me to meet my friends , he gets angry if I want to go out, he prevents me from doing what I like”; “He convinced me to leave my job to tend to the family”; “He says my family offends him and that if I want to be with them it’s because I don’t love him”; “He gets angry if I contact my friends or family members and want to see them”.

With the pretext of jealousy, or by accusing the people close to you, or through threats, you are gradually driven away from all your connections (family members, friends, coworkers) and restricted in your independence. In this way, your partner becomes the centre of your life.

This initiates a slow yet steady dynamic where you feel increasingly alone and weak. Meanwhile, your partner’s power and control over you keeps growing.

Devaluation:

“He throws insults at me, he says I’m stupid and a good for nothing”; “He embarasses me, he humiliates me, he offends me also in front of others”; “He says I am incapable of being a mother”.

Devaluation includes all those behaviours aimed at causing feelings of inadequacy, loss of self-esteem and self-certainty, such as being insulted and criticised daily. Devaluating behaviours can lead you to believe in your partner’s point of view, having lost the possibility to acquire the viewpoints of others, owing to the previous attempt to isolate you from them.

Segregation:

“He gets angry if I make eye contact with someone on the street, he doesn’t want me to go out alone”; “He prevents me from moving freely”; “When he goes out, he takes the house keys with him, if I went out I wouldn’t know how to get back in”; “I can’t go to the doctor or the pediatrician alone, I always have to go with him or with someone of his choosing”; “I can’t take the kids to school by myself, or speak to the teachers”.

In this stage, your schedule and whereabouts are established and managed by your partner, who by now has complete control over your life, restricting your chances at self-determination.

This paves the way for escalating levels of violence, which at this point may take more overt and serious forms, such as physical and sexual violence. Had they been perpetrated in other moments of your relationship, these forms of violence would have been easy to recognise, whereas now, having suffered other forms of violence pertaining to the previous stages of the spiral, you are convinced that you have “deserved” them and that, as your partner says, “it’s your fault”. Additionally, you may be scared of speaking up about these aggressions, for fear of not being believed or the potential consequences you might face.

False reconciliation:

“He apologised afterwards, he promised it will never happen again. He said he’s nervous and that he can’t live without me, that I am everything to him. He was affectionate and sweet with me..sex was also great. He got me an amazing gift so I would forgive him”; “He called me crying, promising he would get help for the sake of the family”.

In this stage, which may begin after more serious episodes of violence have occurred, your partner employs a strategy to confuse you and keep you in this spiral, making you believe he regrets the episodes of violence, that they were just the result of an outburst following a stressful day, a fit of jealousy, or a response to your actions, all the while maintaining they will never happen again. Violence is never constant, in that violent partners shift between moments of false remorsefulness, seeming normalcy and moments of aggression. One of the reasons why it may be difficult to recognise violence and find a way out of it is precisely its intermittence

Emotional blackmail involving children:

“He says I’m crazy, that I’m jobless, that if I left him they would never let me keep the children”; “He threatens to take the children away, saying I will never see them again”.

If you have had children, your partner may use them strategically to exert even more control over you, for instance by threatening to separate you and your children in the event you decided to leave him.

Finding a way out of violence

You are not alone, it is not your fault, there is a way out of violence: every woman has the right to live free from humiliation, oppression and violence.

Freedom from violence, threats, blackmails, humiliation, false promises, excuses and lies isn’t always simple to pursue. There are many reasons why a woman may feel forced to stay in a violent intimate relationship: the children, the house, other people’s judgment and pressure, the fear of being alone or of an even greater and more ruthless act of violence, the fear of losing the children or what might happen to them. These are very real reasons that may lead you to postpone seeking help or moving away.

In Italy and across the world, many women are suffering your same situation of violence. Their experiences are often similar, and, regardless of the differing contexts and dynamics, they share a feeling of powerlessness when facing manipulation, imposition on every life aspect, as well as verbal, physical and often sexual violence.
However, there are also many women, and increasingly so, that stand up to violence, bravely deciding to end the relationship and regain control over their life. They sometimes manage to do so alone, often at the price of enduring social isolation, other times they are backed by their families, who may also provide material support. However, women often choose to contact an Anti-Violence Centre, law enforcement, or social services.

Anti-Violence Centres have the experience and competence to handle cases such as yours, including specialised professionals who will support the choices you make on your pathway out of violence. There is a way out of violence, and pursuing it is entirely possible with the help of Anti-Violence Centres. Respect for your decisions, as well as your privacy and that of your loved ones, is a core value comprising the work of an Anti-Violence Centre. Anti-Violence Centres may support you in building an alternative to violence, the possibility of choosing to reclaim your life and freeing yourself from the chains of those who have always chosen for you.

Look for the nearest Anti-Violence Centre by calling the free-toll hotline 1522 or check the online map of Anti-Violence Centres (https://www.1522.eu/mappatura-1522/).

In any given moment, if you and your children feel in danger, you may call the 24-hour 112 emergency number and report what’s going on, with no need to feel shame or fear.

SOCIAL